For so long she let you and your negativity rent space in her head when she could have raised the rent and kicked you out long ago. She cried every night when she went to bed and replayed all those negative things you said to her during the day. Each time she was alone, she remembered how you called her a failure. She remembered how in every other conversation she held with you, you rubbed in her face how much she could never make it. You made her feel left out, made her feel like she was going to fail even before she tried, made her feel stupid, made her feel worthless. Many times you made her feel betrayed and angry.

Then, she started asking herself why you were even together. Wished she had not gone to that party where she met you. She realized that you no longer cared about how what you said affected her. You ignored the set standards since you knew she would always give you another chance and that she’d never walk away from you. It painfully hit her that you were exactly what everyone had said you are after defending you for so long. She really wanted you to prove them wrong; hoped you’d be the one and that you two could rewrite a story to give the world hope. But that wasn’t a dream and you were no angel.

Right there and then, she decided that from there on, she would be the one calling the shots. She would find a sharp knife to cut you out of her life. She would never again let your opinions dictate her own sense of happiness. She admitted that her problems were either self-created or self-maintained and that she would now cleanse her heart; cleanse it to make sure she wasn’t hosting people who broke it or infected it. She decided she would no longer stare into eyes of people who hurt her; but would take their power away by never allowing them to hurt her again. She decided that she would crawl out of every abyss of self-unworthiness that you had thrown her into. She didn’t change; she just found herself and discovered that there was more to life than toxic friendship. She realized that ending a forever story that was you was the right decision to make.

The torn thread of friendship may not be grieved upon anymore but it will always hit her hard when she’s reminded of you. It will ache when she sees you with someone else. Even though you two are now strangers who are incompatible, your memories will always be cherished and never traded for the world. Maybe forever couldn’t be your tag but you’re still the best thing she had.  I will always miss you but I never ever want you back.


12 Replies to “TIRED FRIENDSHIPS.”

  1. Thank you Nyambu for this powerful voice from the heart. The choice of words and the imagery appeals to my sense of what’s a pleasure to read. You have spoken for many of us who have been deeply hurt before.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. One can only take so much crap. And life ensures we have enough of that. Sometimes you just to face it and let it go. and that time comes after rock bottom. Where there is no more ‘lower” to sink to. And the only way is up.

    At that can almost the son of man. Spitting on on soil. Making some light mud and smearing it on your eyes. And then ordering you to go find the stream. Clean your eyes off the mud. And the blindness goes in the process.

    And you can see. Again.

    Liked by 1 person

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