MY SUNDAY DIARY.

More often than not, whenever I go to church on Sundays, I get distracted. Choosing to sit on the fourth bench from the front hasn’t helped much either.I can get distracted by merely anything. The guy clapping in a weird way whose claps don’t go with the music distracts me. I judge him quietly. The small babies distract me…I envy them and wish I’d advise them to not do some things that I am not so proud of. Seeing that the congregation is diverting my attention, I choose to fix my eyes on the priest when he’s preaching. I promise myself to listen to every word he’ll say. Then my mind wonders off to how he lives his life. How lonely he must feel at 3 a.m when he wants to talk to someone but there’s no one apart from maybe the crucifix on his bedside table. How after a hectic day of tending his flock he’d like a bottle or two of beer  but he can’t since the Father forbids it. Anyway, we choose the life we want to live😏. Then, I see the sculpture of our mother Mary. I have thousands of questions about it, however when you ask, you’ll be reprimanded for not having faith. I mean, what on earth is Immaculate conception??? How did her parents react? Poor Joseph😢he must have had a really hard time admitting responsibility. Then I realize it’s sinful to question the church and I start thinking of ways to convince my future husband to have a traditional wedding rather than a church wedding. I think of how bad my blog is doing. I think about my other crushes and wonder if they came for the first or second mass. I think of a whole lot of stuff till the preaching is over.

However, today was different. Today’s reading stirred something in me. The sermon was even the most beautiful thing I have heard in a while. The first reading was about Elijah and the time he went up Mount Horeb and he went outside since the Lord would be passing by. Then there was a strong heavy wind, an earthquake and fire but the Lord wasn’t in any of them. Then a tiny whispering wind in which the Lord was. The Gospel was about that time when Jesus walked on water and Peter wanted in too  but he began to sink when he saw how strong the wind was.

I am obsessed with signs. Every thing that happens around me, I ask myself if it is a sign. I pray and ask God to show me signs. So, you can imagine how excited I was when I knew the priest would mention something about them. I have cut communication with people, changed circles and a whole other things since I believed there were signs accompanying those actions. I really pay attention to patterns and events in my life. Some of those that have happened haven’t been pretty enjoyable ; mental and emotional exhaustion, break ups, persistence frustration and lack of peace and even feeling lost and purposeless.

Many times, we think that God will come to us, in some great magnificent events or ways, with great signs and sounds, like Elijah. But God’s love comes in a whisper, a light breeze. He said it is in the littlest of things that God speaks to us. He went on further to explain how like Peter, we let fear replace our faith. Peter started to sink when he saw the strong winds despite having started out well.  It is because he shifted his focus from Jesus and started gazing at the strong waves of the sea and started doubting whether he will make it. When he realized his fault, he turned to Jesus and prayed “Lord save me” and Jesus immediately reached out his and rescued him. 
Lastly, God is always at an arm’s length and he’s just waiting for you to call out to him. His presence is constant even in the midst of the storms that threaten us. We just need to trust in Him always.

Have a blessed week ahead and thank you for reading. God bless.😇

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